As an African, it is always good manners to salute your elders even before throwing a tantrum so here we go: Good morning King of Africa? How are you handling your crown?
Just so you know- Africa has 57 countries headed by 57 leaders of different personalities and attributes: You are still my favorite (at this point you should smile King of Africa, I only rank people with positive influence and the list has only two people). You always hit the nail on the head, but this time round, you missed the nail and hit my toe instead and it’s damn painful. I exorcise your spirit of rebuking my country; I stamp my foot and clap my hands… Riswaa!! Sober up my King and address us as individuals. Kenya has 40-something million persons. Like any other society; it hosts all types of characters, from Priests to thieves. We can't all be thieves!
You spoiled my morning Mr. President. I was supposed to spring out of my bed, yawn, then stretch a little in preparation for another tough day of working in the farm for food. I am a University graduate who did not study Bachelor of Stealing (fortunately or unfortunately). We didn’t have ‘Stealing ‘as a common unit in my studies at Kenyatta University either. I must have missed out on something you are trying to say. So, as I was saying, instead of yawning, I heard a message pop into my phone and chose to read it, just in case it was a job alert. I found myself laughing like a Chinese (I hear they laugh when they are angry). Me-a thief!? Hilarious. Did you smoke some Shisha while in India?
Perhaps you should write a book and name it Alibaba and the forty million thieves from Kenya. Just ensure that you include a list of all 40-something million thieves and the type of loot in their possession. That way, I will understand what your morose sentiments meant. Can a thief live in this house and work here? I should own a castle and a ranch from stealing!
I know you know who the thieves are Mr. President. Don’t bury your head in the sand like my President, Hon. Uhuru Kenyatta is doing. You and I know you are far wiser than he is. See, he doesn’t even listen to me (thinks I’m too naïve to understand bad leadership). A country’s image is its Presidency: it reflects the leadership top to bottom. Of course you know that- common sense.
See, there is a disease in my country Kenya. A disease of the rich and powerful who don’t blink twice about corruption and impunity. They have power over us instead of power with us. The thieves in Kenya are a bunch of a few individuals especially in the political power, who have and are infecting others around them. Some of their targets are vulnerable due to the nature of the atrocities they have suffered since colonialism. There is inequality and the gap between the rich (mother of all thieves) and the poor (mother of all problems) is widening. They are looting the country and bringing us onto our knees. The bunch consists of less than half a million people out of the total of 40-something million Kenyans.
Sometimes I think we should round up these kleptomaniacs, stash them in sacks and punish them the way we punish cats with similar characters. Or maybe we should ferry them into the middle of the Sahara desert and let them steal anything and everything they want. We are sick and tired of news about missing billions every time we switch on our TV stations and radios. It is very shameful that nothing is happening to end this except the formation of commissions of inquiry who get paid handsomely to investigate the obvious. I agree there is a problem that needs to be addressed urgently.
Mr. President; Kenyans (minus the kleptomaniacs who are a minority) are resilient hardworking people who are highly competitive in any field of work you find them. Our hard earned cash comes from our sweat: Not stealing. Here are just but a few examples: We hit the ground running : Ask Stanley Biwott and Mary Keitany. We are intelligent and smart enough to lead the free world – ask U.S President Barack Obama. Our men are tall, black, handsome and talented- ask Victor Wanyama , Collins Injera and Stephen Tikolo. Our women are intelligent, beautiful and talented- ask Lupita Nyong’o ,Wambui Mukenyi, Sanaipei Tande and me.Our youth are inventive and innovative-ask Burglary Varsani, Jamaldin Mohammed, Bulari Varsani and Siddieeq Parpia. They represent majority of Kenyans and deserve a lot of respect from the world, including Zimbabwe.
I am smart enough to notice that you are trying to spoil my opportunity to shine my light by suffocating me in a sack of a few kleptomaniac political aristocrats. Your careless statement could as well be ruining the lives of thousands of innocent people of my diaspora working to earn a decent living around the world. You are wrong my King. I know you know the thieves, some by heart.
Do me a favor Mr. President: I respect you as my grandfather and King of Africa, you have an obligation to hold an evening chat with my President so he can tap into your wisdom and lead us in the right direction. It works well if done around a bonfire under a moon lit sky. Create that conducive environment when you invite him over. He needs a few wise words from you,do it like in the African traditional set up when fathers would advise their sons. You just never know- he could be the one to carry the mantle of wisdom after you! Save us the embarrassment of blacklisting millions of innocent Kenyan citizens and talk to your son (my President)-who else to correct him better than you?
In the meantime, don’t demonize me and enslave my mind to think that I am stealing from my neighbor, when I am simply going to pluck a few fruits from this tree growing on a fence that separates us. He didn’t plant it; some bird scattered seeds and some of them fell on his land bringing forth these fruits. Basically, its God-given and we share without suspicion or guilt.Besides, most of the branches are in my compound, why would you call me a thief?
Branding Kenyans as thieves is as good as branding Zimbabweans as old! You need to be very specific!
In the spirit of an African woman, I sign out with these powerful words, "Riswaa!!" DON'T demonize me.